I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Before marriage a man will lay awake all night thinking about something you said, after marriage he'll fall asleep before you have finished saying it.
George Bernard Shaw
Any woman can fool a man if she wants to and if he's in love with her
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
Catherine II of Russia
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognised by the police.
A husband's last words should always be "OK buy it"
Nothing makes a good wife like a good husband.
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
Marriage requires a person to prepare 4 types of "Rings": Engagement Ring Wedding Ring, Suffering, Enduring
The Definition of Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
May she share everything with her husband, including the housework.
Remember that if you ever put your marital problems on the back burner they are sure to boil over.
Happy marriages begin when we marry the one we love, and they blossom when we love the one we married.
My greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will so deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least.
It don't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home!
May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last: twice a week, we go to a nice restaurant, drink a little wine, eat some good food, and enjoy companionship.... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
When my wife and I go out together I always hold her hand. She think I'm being loving but really I'm afraid that if I let go, she'll go shopping.
A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite. After unpacking, the husband took off his pants. "Put these on," he said to his wife. She did and they were obviously much too large. "There's no way I can wear these - they're way too big," she said. "Good! Now you know who wears the pants in this family," replied the husband.
A young couple were married and then embarked on their honeymoon. When they returned, the bride ran to the phone and called her mother, who asked, "How was your honeymoon, dear?" "Oh, mama!" she replied, "The honeymoon was so wonderful and romantic..." But then, suddenly she burst out crying and said "but, mama, as soon as we returned home, he started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!"
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend, but a successful woman is one who can find such a man!!!
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
If your wife is shouting at the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Below are some humourous quotes made by famous people on the subject of weddings and relationships.
Jokes & Sayings For The Best Man's Speech